1 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,840 ROB: 'Rom and I are back...' 2 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:14,800 (ROMESH SINGS) (SINGS) 3 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:17,360 'Ready to throw ourselves into the most weird...' 4 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,320 Bad guy. (LAUGHS) 5 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,560 '..and wonderful worlds.' Yeah! 6 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,160 MAN: Yes! Yes! 7 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,800 'Together we're going on a journey of discovery.' 8 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:26,920 Is that your card? Yes. 9 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,560 Right there, the three of clubs. 10 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,040 'To find out what we like...' 11 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:31,200 What you saying, Jim? Hey! 12 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,880 Yeah! 13 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,040 '..and what we don't.' 14 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:36,840 Oh Jesus. Don't look down. 15 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,400 (LAUGHS) Can I have a poo bag, please? 16 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,240 Oh God. 17 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,400 'This week, we're going old school.' 18 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:48,520 I'm pretty sure my trousers are gonna fall down.Perfect. 19 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:52,120 'As we go on a mission to become classical music maestros, 20 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:56,600 by joining the world famous London Philharmonic Orchestra.' 21 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,440 Lou's got one of these in her bedroom drawer, 22 00:00:58,480 --> 00:00:59,840 I didn't know she was a conductor. 23 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,520 'On a journey through some of music's greatest hits...' 24 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,360 No! '..before performing 25 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,240 at the one and only Royal Festival Hall in London.' 26 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,280 (APPLAUSE) I feel sick. 27 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,240 28 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,800 OK, Rob. Classical music. 29 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,960 We've been asked to perform at the Royal Festival Hall 30 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,680 in a big classical performance. Yeah. 31 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,680 Do you ever listen to classical? No. 32 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,800 What never, ever, ever? No. 33 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:37,120 Can you imagine us finishing this episode being into classical music? 34 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,600 Absolutely not. I've... 35 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,640 Do you know what? And I don't wanna sound... 36 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,560 Well, actually, I don't care what I sound like. 37 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,800 Maybe I am a thick idiot, but I... 38 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,160 Don't think you need the "maybe". I've found what I like. 39 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,479 Yeah. I don't need new things. 40 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,840 So, you're closed off? I think I am closed off. 41 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,479 And people go, like, "Oh, you get old, you're narrow-minded." 42 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,280 Well, yeah, maybe I am. Yeah. 43 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:01,440 But maybe... Am I narrow-minded or have I just found what I like?Yeah. 44 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,520 You're not narrow-minded for being a faithful husband, are you?No. 45 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,400 I found what I like and it's Louise. Yeah. 46 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,320 And also, you've got no options. What? 47 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,199 I've got no options? (LAUGHS) 48 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,920 Come on, mate. Still got a bit left in the tank. 49 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,960 (CHUCKLES) But nobody wants it. 50 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,160 (BOTH LAUGH) 51 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,200 Imaginary Places 52 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,920 I tell you what looks easy, conducting. 53 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,720 Cos they all know how to play the instrument 54 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,240 and the music's in front of them, what the hell are you doing? 55 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,120 Yeah, I don't get conducting. 56 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,000 Did you do any instruments when you were younger that might be helpful? 57 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,440 So, when I was a kid, I started playing the piano... 58 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:36,079 Here we go. ..and the clarinet. 59 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,079 Oh, now, here he is. (LAUGHS) 60 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,079 Sorry, are you a posh white boy? I think I might be. 61 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,079 It's only the brownness that gave me a bit of edge. 62 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,120 A brown guy with a clarinet. Yeah. 63 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,960 Have you ever played an instrument? Well... 64 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,800 I did recorder when I was in my first year of primary school, 65 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,640 I remember walking in, a big bucket full of recorders, 66 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,680 and I picked up the recorder, I was playing it, 67 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,400 I got sent out of the classroom for being bad on purpose. 68 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,200 I was actually trying my best. 69 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,640 I stood outside and pissed myself. 70 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,320 Oh, my. Last time I played an instrument. 71 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,480 Sounds horrible. That must affect your life heavily 72 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,600 whenever you come across a recorder. (LAUGHS) 73 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:09,080 What do you reckon will happen if we try to do classical music? 74 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,400 I think I'm gonna have a flashback to when I was a kid. 75 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:15,040 There's a danger that I will burst into tears and piss myself.Mmm. 76 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,520 And I could be doing that on stage in front of an orchestra.OK. 77 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,840 Well I'm looking forward to this performance more than I was before you said that. 78 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,960 So, at the moment, you've had this traumatic... 79 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,680 You've got a traumatic thing sitting in the back of your mind.Yeah. 80 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,079 Now, we're gonna be doing a performance 81 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,760 with the London Philharmonic Orchestra...Yes. 82 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,280 At the Royal Festival Hall. Yes. 83 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,680 You are gonna have the chance... 84 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,320 This is redemption! Yeah. 85 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,640 Who's playing the recorder now, bitch?(LAUGHS) 86 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,520 'In six days' time, we'd be performing 87 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,920 with the London Philharmonic Orchestra, AKA the LPO, 88 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,720 in front of a sell-out crowd at the Royal Festival Hall. 89 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:55,200 Founded 90 years ago, the orchestra is world-renowned. 90 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,120 And now, they had to accommodate us... 91 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,400 two comedians with virtually no knowledge of classical music. 92 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,560 We needed to get up to speed fast, 93 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,560 so the LPO had arranged for us to meet 94 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,400 musician and broadcaster Jess Gillam MBE...' 95 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,200 Nice to meet you, Jess. Hiya, how you doing? 96 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,400 '..who was gonna give us the most basic of basic lessons.' 97 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,760 We're in a bit of a situation... Right. 98 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,839 ..because we're doing a show about classical music.Yeah.Yeah. 99 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,280 And neither of us know anything about it, or what's good. 100 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,760 I've gotta be honest with you, Jess. 101 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,120 I've got a bit of a dark past with instruments. 102 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,800 At school I got sent out of a class 103 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,920 for being bad at the recorder on purpose, 104 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,360 in front of all the other kids, 105 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,480 but I was trying my best and I got sent out of the room, 106 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,560 and I stood out there and I pissed myself and cried, 107 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,440 So I'm trying to battle back from that.Can I just apologise, Jess? 108 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,920 Rob seems to think we've come here to meet a therapist. 109 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,440 (LAUGHS) Music can be therapy. Thank you.Yeah. 110 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:44,880 So, you- If you're told you're bad, 111 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,920 you don't do it, which I think is a real shame. 112 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,200 He's been told he's bad at comedy for years, he still goes. 113 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,480 Erm, my question to you is this... Part of the reason, I think, 114 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,360 neither Rob nor I've got into classical music 115 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,400 is we just don't think it's for us, you know? 116 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,040 And I think a lot of people have that, 117 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,680 where you just think it's for, like, older, kind of, posh people. 118 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,960 And... do you understand that preconception? 119 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,840 Is it something you've come across? Yeah, absolutely. I would say I... 120 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,080 I felt like that, probably, when I was younger 121 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,760 before I just started listening to it for what it was, 122 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,200 rather than thinking, "This is for this person, it's not for me."Yeah. 123 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,240 See, I miss- I miss the frontman or frontwoman 124 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,920 'cause you like, when you like a band, 125 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,840 it's Oasis, the Gallagher brothers, or Florence and The Machine, 126 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,400 they've got such personality that they bring to all the songs. 127 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,680 I don't even know what Mozart looks like. 128 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,240 But I think the performers are often- 129 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,280 And Beethoven, I think of the dog, I'm sorry. 130 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,920 Yeah. I think of the dog with Beethoven. 131 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,720 You must get that, sorry. Sorry about that. 132 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,920 But then they're composers so then the performers... 133 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,400 So, they never perform it? Er, some composers perform it. 134 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,320 Some would've-Beethoven very rarely performs now though, doesn't he? 135 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,000 I mean, he's... Why not? 136 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,200 (QUIET LAUGHTER) 137 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,080 He's dead, isn't he? You don't know if... 138 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,040 Is he dead? He's dead isn't he, Jess? Yeah. 139 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:50,760 Yeah, he is. He is, yeah. OK. 140 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,080 We probably don't have to include that.(LAUGHING) 141 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,720 As first impressions go then, 142 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,280 it wasn't the start I was hoping for. 143 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:02,000 But thankfully, Jess wasn't ready to give up on me just yet. 144 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,440 So, let's see what pieces you might know. 145 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,080 You might not know that you know some classical music.Oh, no, I- 146 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,240 I don't, you know, I'm open- I'm open minded, 147 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:13,000 it's just something I've not listened to really, before.Mmm. 148 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,760 Well, tell me if you know who it's by.Yep. 149 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,120 OK.And if you know the piece, even better. 150 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,800 (MUSIC BEGINS) 151 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,680 Oh! 152 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,520 What is it? It sounds so familiar. Is this from a TV thing? 153 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,520 Er, it has big use in a film. 154 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,520 Harry Potter? Er, no. 155 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,360 Swan Lake? 156 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,000 Yeah! It's Swan Lake. 157 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,560 Tchaikovsky, Swan Lake. Oh my God, Rob!My guy. 158 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,240 I'm actually proud of you, man. Yeah. 159 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,760 I mean- (MOCKINGLY) What's a swan? 160 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,720 (LAUGHS) Woah! OK. 161 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,840 It's not nice, I'm getting flashbacks. 162 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,320 (MOCKS) So, it's a swan on lake? I'm getting flashbacks. I'm- 163 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,920 I'm- I'm starting to piss. Do you want that? 164 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,720 I reckon you can get this one, Rob. 165 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,440 OK. (MUSIC BEGINS) 166 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,760 Apprentice. Lord Alan Sugars. Do you know what- 167 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,840 Do you know what the original is? Nick Hewer. 168 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,080 Robinovsky?Pardon? I just guessed it. 169 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,120 He said Robinovsky. No.No. 170 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,240 What kind of drama- It's Romeo and Juliet. 171 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:07,280 Yeah!How do you know that?! What's going on?! 172 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,080 How the hell- This is why I'm good at quizzes. 173 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,360 How the hell did you know that? I don't know it's in there. 174 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,960 Is it from Romeo and Juliet? Yeah, it is. 175 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,920 By a composer called Prokofiev. 176 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,280 Right. That's two in a row. What is- Sorry, what is... 177 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,280 So, I'm better than him? What is going on here? 178 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,400 Do you know what? I don't need to piss anymore. 179 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,760 (NEXT SONG BEGINS) Clearly Jess had unearthed 180 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,720 some classical music knowledge hidden deep within Rob. 181 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:29,120 And now, in typical Beckett fashion, 182 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,240 he was getting carried away. 183 00:07:32,159 --> 00:07:35,120 (MUSIC BUILDS) That's nice. 184 00:07:35,159 --> 00:07:38,000 It's by an American composer called Aaron Copland. 185 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,040 186 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,840 I feel like... 187 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,680 I mean, I've never done drugs. 188 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,560 But I can imagine it's what it's like 189 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,600 when you've just done drugs and you walk into a room... 190 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,720 ..and then you start to feel weird. One would feel weird. 191 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,480 Yeah, I think you covered yourself. (LAUGHS) 192 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,960 (LAUGHTER) 193 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,600 ("HOEDOWN" CONTINUES PLAYING) 194 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,320 (SONG STOPS) I reckon that's more... 195 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,560 more up your street. Yes. 196 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,960 So, you've got all these strings 197 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,920 and they play with something called vibrato. 198 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,320 Yeah. It sounds like singing, 199 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,000 so it becomes like a familiar sound that you associate...OK. 200 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:20,160 ..with, like, being calm. And so, I like strings vibrato? 201 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,280 You like strings. I like strings vibrato. 202 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,720 Yeah.I wouldn't just say that out of context, it's weird. 203 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,120 (LAUGHS) Yeah. It would sound absolutely insane. 204 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,880 Would you listen again? I never put music on... 205 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,560 Any music. 206 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,559 I'm just thinking about your concert with LPO.Who are LPO? 207 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,880 Oh my God!Who you're playing with at the weekend. 208 00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:39,000 (LAUGHING) Oh my God. (LAUGHS) 209 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:41,120 London Philharmonic Orchestra. Oh my God. Just... 210 00:08:41,159 --> 00:08:43,720 Oh, yeah! Probably will be, yeah. I cannot. 211 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,360 Can you bel... I got con- 212 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,040 Who was ELP? ELO? ELO? 213 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,280 ELO. Electric Light Orchestra. No. Er, yeah. 214 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,840 They're a band, aren't they? Yeah. 215 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,840 What's the other one then? PLO, OLP? London, L, 216 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,080 Philharmonic, P, Orchestra- LPO.You said PLO? 217 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,640 That's the Palestinian Liberation Organisation. 218 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,520 What do they sound like?Well, we're playing with them Sunday. 219 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:07,240 (LAUGHTER) If this goes well. 220 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,160 ROMESH: 'Rob and I are teaming up 221 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,040 with the London Philharmonic Orchestra 222 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,000 for a special classical concert 223 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,920 at the iconic Royal Festival Hall. 224 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,680 We've had a beginner's lesson.' 225 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,400 I don't even know what Mozart looks like. 226 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,520 'And Rob had actually shown himself to be a bit of a dark horse.' 227 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,600 Swan Lake? Yeah! 228 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,520 It's Swan Lake. Tchaikovsky, Swan Lake. 229 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,920 Oh my God, Rob! 230 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,560 'With just five days to go before our performance, 231 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,680 we'd come to the LPO's rehearsal HQ 232 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,200 to meet our conductor, Matthew Lynch.' 233 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:47,360 Hello. Hi. 234 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,320 'He would be assessing our musical skills 235 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,240 so he could try to squeeze us into his orchestra. 236 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,400 Unfortunately, Rob's opinion 237 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,280 of Matthew's profession hadn't changed.' 238 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,440 Conducting, I still think is a bit of a blag. 239 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,640 Like, "You start, up you go, bit of that, less of that." 240 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,480 You can get away with it if you blag it enough. 241 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,520 'So, I had a feeling we were in for an interesting day.' 242 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:09,520 Hi. This weekend you're gonna be joining us for a show 243 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,280 at the Royal Festival Hall. How are you feeling about that? 244 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,680 Well, I think it's a mistake from both parties, really. 245 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,800 Erm, I don't think we should've agreed to do it, 246 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,840 I don't think the London Philharmonic Orchestra 247 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,640 should've agreed to let us take part, so... 248 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,680 And I'm the positive one but I agree with him. 249 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,960 (LAUGHS) We're very worried. 250 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,520 Well, um, we've got a bit of time so we can try and find out 251 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,680 if you have any musical talents, 252 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,360 and if so, what they are. 253 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,000 So, full disclosure, Rob thinks conducting's pointless. 254 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,160 Yeah?(QUIETLY) OK. Just to say... 255 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,480 He thinks it's a load of crap, and like, obviously...Yeah. 256 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,400 What he- What he said before we got here 257 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,320 was that musicians know what they're doing, 258 00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,000 they've been practising all this time, 259 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,440 why do they need somebody waving a stick about? So... 260 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:52,360 Yeah, when I said that, I didn't expect you to be six foot five and built like a brick shithouse. 261 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,600 (LAUGHS) Erm... 262 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,440 Let's see if Rob's right and conducting really is that easy. 263 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,080 And erm... Yeah. Well, not easy, 264 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,640 he said it's a load of shit. OK, really is "a load of shit". 265 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,520 (LAUGHS) 266 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,240 So, I have some batons for you here. 267 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,320 Here we go. Ooh. Ooh. 268 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,680 Look at that. Oh, is this- 269 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,640 This is in a case. You have to pull the... pull one end off. 270 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,600 Lou's got one of these in her bedroom drawer, 271 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,640 I didn't know she was a conductor. (LAUGHS) 272 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,560 As first meetings go, it hadn't gone the smoothest. 273 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,520 Rom had dropped me in it, and now Matthew 274 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,160 was gonna throw us in the deep end. 275 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,840 Yeah, let's do it. I'm excited.This way. 276 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:28,560 'I'd obviously wound him up because he was challenging us 277 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,320 to conduct the full London Philharmonic Orchestra.' 278 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,280 (APPLAUSE) 279 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,760 Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Meet Rob and Romesh.Hi, guys. 280 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,320 'But first, he was going to demo how it's done.' 281 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,760 OK. In the Hall of the Mountain King, please. 282 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,160 (ORCHESTRA BEGINS PLAYING) 283 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,320 Being in the room with all of those musicians, 284 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,400 it does feel incredible. When people, sort of, say 285 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,560 classical music has something that other music doesn't, I get it. 286 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:04,520 I will never, ever watch an Alton Towers advert the same way again. 287 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,640 (SONG CONCLUDES) 288 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,160 Wow. 289 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,520 Who's going first? Good luck, mate.Right. 290 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,520 It's quite stressful when you're stood up here, innit? (LAUGHS) 291 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,240 OK. Right, so... OK. 292 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,480 Did it start up?You've got this. No, stop that. 293 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,200 (SOME INSTRUMENTS PLAY FAINTLY) 294 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,040 (CHUCKLES) 295 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,920 (FAINT TUNE CONTINUES) 296 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,880 (ROB, ROMESH AND MATTHEW LAUGH) 297 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,720 I think he did that on purpose. (LAUGHTER) 298 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,440 I don't know what happened then, I felt like a dog at a fun fair. 299 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,800 I was like, "Something's going on, but is this involving me?" 300 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,640 They've not even started, the violins.What happened there? 301 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:58,320 What you do is, you go, one, two, three, four, five. 302 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,280 The vibe I'm getting from this episode is four is quite important. 303 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,640 I've got no idea what's going on but thanks for... helping. (LAUGHS) 304 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,720 I put a lot of the blame on the orchestra... 305 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:10,880 because you've gotta take a bit of responsibility in life, 306 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,720 and they know that song, 307 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,080 they know how it goes, they know what their part is. 308 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,320 Why you looking at me? I'm counting to five. 309 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,680 'I was enjoying watching Rob struggle. 310 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,520 And even though it didn't look easy, 311 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,440 I figured if I just counted to four, I stood a better chance. 312 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,600 (SEVERAL INSTRUMENTS PLAY TUNE) 313 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,480 (CHUCKLES) 314 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,760 Get a tiny bit faster. 315 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,280 'It wasn't the best start. 316 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,040 But thankfully, Matthew was there to put me back on track. 317 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:45,480 And faster. 318 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:46,880 Go on, Rom. 319 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,960 Go on Rom! Go Rom! Faster, faster, faster. 320 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,040 (SONG BUILDS, FULL ORCHESTRA PLAY) 321 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,080 Yeah. 322 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,520 Yes, Rom. 323 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,960 Yes! (LAUGHS) 324 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,640 Come on! Loves it. 325 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,360 (MUSIC SLOWS) Don't get slower! 326 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,280 (SPEEDS BACK UP) And again! 327 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,720 There we go. 328 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:14,480 (LAUGHS) 329 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,680 I'd got this far and compared to Rob I was on fire... 330 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,440 But that was thanks to a very forgiving orchestra. 331 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,000 And timpani! 332 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,480 And a lot of help from Matthew. 333 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,040 (SONG CONCLUDES) Woo! 334 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,840 (APPLAUSE)Yeah. Yes, Rom. Respect. 335 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,840 (SIGHS LOUDLY) Good work, mate. 336 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,040 'Rom had smashed it.' Unbelievable. 337 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,160 'And all I'd done was prove conducting was hard. 338 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,840 Clearly, we had a long way to go before our performance on Saturday. 339 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,240 So, next we were trying instruments. 340 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,960 But they weren't any easier.' 341 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,000 (LOW, WEAK NOTE) 342 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,520 'There were so many to try...' 343 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:58,840 Oh God. 344 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,640 'And they all required years to master.' 345 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,000 (UNPLEASANT SQUEAKING) (LAUGHS)This is too ambitious. 346 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,280 Do you think so(?) (LAUGHS) 347 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,680 'We'd almost exhausted all our options for the upcoming concert, 348 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,720 except for one.' 349 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,600 CHIARAMELLO: 'O My Sun 350 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,280 'Matthew had sent us to Venice 351 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,960 to try out a completely different classical discipline... 352 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,960 Opera.' 353 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,960 Gimme a little burst of opera. 354 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,120 I don't understand how singing works. 355 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,200 I just... open my mouth and hope. 356 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,200 Right. I just basically talk- 357 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:34,480 That's how all the greats do it. (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I'm self-taught. 358 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,520 (SINGS) 359 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,560 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 360 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,320 Is that bad? 361 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,120 Obviously you can't sing Shaddap You Face! 362 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:43,360 Why not? Why is that bad? 363 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,840 Is it offensive? Shittest burn. 364 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,480 (LAUGHS) 365 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,240 Do you know what? 366 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,040 the many times I've thought about 367 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,720 the romance of getting on a gondola in Venice...Yeah? 368 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:55,680 I've always wished it was gonna be you 369 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,280 that I do this with for the first time. 370 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,080 Being on a gondola in Venice... Yeah? 371 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,520 ..should be with your partner and it should be a beautiful- 372 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,440 Yeah, I am your partner. ..moment that you remember forever. 373 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:05,960 But now all I'll remember is you. 374 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,560 It's like the first time I saw breasts. 375 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:12,640 The first time you see a woman's breasts is a magical moment... 376 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,200 and if the first breasts I saw were yours, I'd be disappointed. 377 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,360 That's what's happening to me on this gondola. 378 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,840 'Our Venetian adventure had got off to a bad start 379 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,520 and we'd just been spotted on our little romantic cruise.' 380 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,840 (WOMAN SHOUTS) 381 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,600 What was that? (CHUCKLES) 382 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,280 "The BAFTAs were brilliant, don't listen to the press." 383 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,600 (LAUGHING) What have the press been saying? 384 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,520 Have you read any press from the BAFTAs?No. 385 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,480 That is literally the worst thing I could've heard.(LAUGHS) 386 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,760 "The BAFTAs were brilliant, don't listen to the press." 387 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,680 What did the press- Can I- Shall we- I can't even shout back. 388 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,600 That's the worst! If it was in the street, 389 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,480 I'd stop her and go, "What did they say?" 390 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,720 But she's just gone now, forever. 391 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,040 Largo Al Factotum 392 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,680 'For our first stop in Venice, the LPO had sent us 393 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,680 to meet Italian baritone, Maurizio Leoni. 394 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,079 They'd arranged for him to give us a crash course 395 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:08,720 in the art of opera singing.' 396 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,599 I'm Maurizio. Romesh. 397 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,680 Romesh.Hello Maurizio, I'm Rob, nice to meet you. 398 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,280 'But that's not all they planned.' 399 00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:16,560 This evening, you have to sing 400 00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:19,400 with the Musici Veneziani, OK? 401 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,359 it's a very important situation singing La Traviata. 402 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,079 (OPERATIC SINGING) 403 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,359 'For over 20 years, the Musici Veneziani 404 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,120 have been giving tourists a sample of the best opera has to offer. 405 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,440 Laying on a selection of classics from Mozart to Verdi, 406 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,640 they've been delighting opera lovers from around the world. 407 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,280 And tonight, we'd be joining the show live on stage. 408 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,640 So, we're gonna be performing in an opera...Yes. 409 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,480 ..in Venice in one of your theatres? Yes. 410 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,480 Are you ready to study? Yes.I'm ready. 411 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,080 We need to start, we need to learn. OK, let's start. With a smile. 412 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,280 BOTH: Yes! OK... 413 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,960 This is too much. Yep. Go. (WHISPERS) Fuck. 414 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,320 'Maurizio's been teaching opera for almost 20 years, 415 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,960 so we were in safe hands.' 416 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,440 So, we have to start with breathing. The way is the diaphragm. 417 00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,520 From the diaphragm. OK? From the diaphragm. 418 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,120 We have to exercise 419 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,720 to improve this, er, kind of breathing.Yep. 420 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:19,200 And I will teach some very strange exercise.OK. 421 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,960 You have to lie on the ground. I will explain why. 422 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,760 Front down, or back? Back. 423 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,000 For somebody to go, 424 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,920 "Welcome to your first opera lesson, lie down on the ground..." 425 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,800 Nobody's expecting that. 426 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,480 The exercise says take a huge book, 427 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,520 or the hand of your friend, it's up to you. 428 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,640 Ooh. I have to touch you, sorry. 429 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,000 Yeah. Oh. You, er... 430 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,080 I'm a fairly confident person but when you get your love handles jiggled... 431 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,480 Ooh! That's the worst bit you can touch 432 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,360 on anyone's body that you don't know. 433 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,040 Think about my hands, please. 434 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,960 Oh, that's all I can think about! (LAUGHS) 435 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,600 I don't even let Lou touch that bit. 436 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,480 You have to breathe from your nose, not from the mouth.OK. 437 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,840 Yes, this is the mistake! 438 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,680 (SIGHS) Nothing, nothing here, nothing! 439 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,160 Why's there so much touching? 440 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,040 Now count. Pardon? 441 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,840 To count in Italian. Count. OK. 442 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,040 (LAUGHS) It's a word, a bad word, I know. 443 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,760 I know! (LAUGHS) 444 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,960 Bad guy! (LAUGHTER) 445 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,080 Good guy, though. Like him, he's likeable with it. 446 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,360 You may do in English just- just because it is you.OK. 447 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,680 One, two, three, four... 448 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,920 I feel like I should be upset with what happened there, 449 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,320 but I enjoyed it, just felt like a bit of fun, bit of hijinks. 450 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,320 ..thirteen, fourteen... More!More! 451 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:26,960 ..sixteen, seventeen, 452 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,600 eighteen, nineteen, twenty. (LAUGHS) OK, OK. 453 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,560 Just a few lads touching each other in a room, 454 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,160 I don't mind it. 455 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,200 'Rob looked ready to tap out, 456 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,120 so it was my turn with Maurizio.' 457 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,480 He said, "I'm going to touch you, is that OK?" 458 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,360 May I? I'd love you to. 459 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,600 What I didn't realise, he was gonna touch me like that. 460 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,760 No! No! No. What? What? What you- 461 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,760 What you doing?Romesh! Why are you spanking me? 462 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,440 (LAUGHING) What are you spanking me for?Come on! 463 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,560 Get with it, Romesh! Why are you spanking my tits? 464 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,480 Give him a little slap, Maurizio. Bad boy. 465 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,640 Bad boy. 466 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,600 I have gone further with Maurizio than I have with most people I know. 467 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,200 Now...Oh, shit! I'm sorry. 468 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,320 I mean, he put his hands in... like, in... he tried to enter me. 469 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,160 (LAUGHS) I'm wet, sorry. 470 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,360 What? What'd you say? No! 471 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,160 I... It's so hot here. 472 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,640 Oh, I see!Right. OK, yeah, yeah, I feel wet too. 473 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,480 Yeah. Ah, bad boys.(LAUGHTER) 474 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,360 'Maurizio must have forgotten we'd be on stage in a matter of hours 475 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,600 because halfway through the lesson, we were still on the floor.' 476 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,960 You see? Yeah. 477 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,080 These muscles... helps the sound. You milking him? 478 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,240 'And with the clock ticking, 479 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,600 we were starting to wonder why we were planking.' 480 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,400 (LAUGHS) OK. 481 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,160 Don't slap my haunches. Bad boy! 482 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,920 But there was only so much 483 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,440 of Maurizio's unorthodox techniques we could take. 484 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,480 That plank's wobbling. (LAUGHS) Relax, relax, relax, OK. 485 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,000 'So, it was a relief when we finally started singing.' 486 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,200 Now we sing a phrase. 487 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,360 OK, yeah. (CLEARS THROAT) 488 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,400 Tu mi vuoi. 489 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,000 Know the meaning? Tu mi vuoi- no. 490 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,080 If I say, tu mi vuoi. 491 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,760 Yeah? It's a question. 492 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:56,960 Yeah. Do you want me? 493 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,600 What's no in Italian? 494 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,960 (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) 495 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,200 It's up to you. OK. 496 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,760 There is a method in his madness because when you think about opera, 497 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,640 you think about... (SINGS LOW NOTES) 498 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,040 Like, it's all throat. But it isn't all throat, it's belly. 499 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,200 Pull here. OK.There you go. 500 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,640 Bad boy. Good boy. 501 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,120 502 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,600 (TOGETHER) 503 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,520 Lovely! 504 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:24,080 Romesh has got an interesting volume. 505 00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:25,960 So, not bad. 506 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:29,960 (JOINS IN) OK. 507 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,760 For him, it's easier to repeat exactly. 508 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,280 Bravo. 509 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,840 Rob needs a... a kick (LAUGHS) 510 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:41,480 (FLAT) (JOINS IN) 511 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,000 (FLAT) 512 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:48,000 I don't think the touching helps me! 513 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,320 Bad boy. 514 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,960 'The lesson was nearly over, 515 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,240 and we still hadn't learnt a single lyric to La Traviata. 516 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,240 Fortunately, we had just enough time for one quick run through.' 517 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,680 (ALL SING, OUT OF TIME) 518 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,120 'But it didn't go well.' 519 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,800 We're performing an opera in about eight hours. 520 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,240 Having essentially been molested for 45 minutes. 521 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,000 (OUT OF TIME SINGING CONTINUES) 522 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:18,240 ALL: 523 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,280 No! No. (ROARS) No! 524 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,720 ROB: 'Our performance at London's Royal Festival Hall is days away, 525 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,760 and the London Philharmonic Orchestra 526 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,000 had sent us to Venice to try out opera. 527 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:41,840 But after a bizarre singing lesson with teacher Maurizio Leoni...' 528 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,920 Think about my hands, please. Ah, that's all I can think about! 529 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,080 ROMESH: 'We were feeling massively under-prepared 530 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:51,720 to perform with one of Venice's most highly regarded opera groups... 531 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:53,680 Musici Veneziani.' 532 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,200 How you doing?Nice to meet you. I am Oscar, nice to meet you. 533 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,240 'With the show not starting until later, 534 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,240 we still had time to rehearse, 535 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,080 but what we hadn't anticipated 536 00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:05,040 was we'd be doing it with a full cast and orchestra.' 537 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:06,880 Hi! HI. 538 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,160 We're dead. 539 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,920 'Fortunately, Maurizio had agreed to join the performance 540 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,440 to help guide us through the next few hours.' 541 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,080 Romesh. Yep? This is your position. 542 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:16,880 Yep. Here. That's your position, here. 543 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,560 'We knew where we were standing. 544 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,800 Now we had to try to remember the words 545 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,600 and figure out our cue to sing.' 546 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,120 547 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,880 548 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,640 'And that was easier said than done.' 549 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,440 (ROMESH JOINS IN) 550 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,800 Pfft! 551 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,560 I've got no idea when to come in. 552 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,560 It's a... complete disaster. What I'm starting to think 553 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,600 is we should've spent more time learning the song 554 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,080 and a little less time planking. 555 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,880 (ALL SING) 556 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,560 (QUIETLY) What the fuck... 557 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,480 558 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,200 What the fuck is going on? 559 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,880 I don't know what they're singing, I don't know what's happening, 560 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,360 they're just all screaming. 561 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,720 (ALL SING) 562 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,400 563 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,160 (MUMBLES, HOLDS NOTE) 564 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,840 ALL: 565 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,200 (QUIETLY) The guy next to me said, "Follow what I'm doing." 566 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,920 He's singing a completely different line! 567 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,600 (ALL SING) 568 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,240 It's completely different Italian, I don't know that! 569 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,200 What is going on? 570 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,120 If anything, he's a distraction. 571 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,840 (ALL SING, ROB and ROMESH OUT OF TIME) 572 00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:30,040 (ROB LAUGHS) 573 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:31,960 Do you know what? I loved it. 574 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:33,720 It felt mental. 575 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,080 I feel at home, I feel like I've joined the circus. 576 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:39,040 577 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,400 Neither I nor Rob know what we're doing, 578 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,160 the difference is Rob doesn't care. 579 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,800 (ALL SING) ROB: 580 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,320 581 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,240 (ALL SING LONG NOTE) 582 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,520 He's just like, "I've done it, my head goes a bit red." 583 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,800 I love that. I feel so alive! 584 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,960 Remember... remember your belly. Yeah. (LAUGHS) 585 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,840 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember, muscles. 586 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,760 Maurizio said, "Remember your belly." 587 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,520 (QUIETLY) I don't think the reason 588 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,360 we were singing the wrong words at the wrong point of the song 589 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,640 is because we'd forgotten our fucking bellies. 590 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,320 'The rehearsal was chaos. 591 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:17,560 But with the show starting in under an hour, 592 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,640 we didn't have anymore time to practise. 593 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,240 We had to get ourselves through wardrobe as quickly as possible.' 594 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,000 No? (SPEAKS ITALIAN) 595 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,440 All the way up? Ah, si. 596 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,200 'And given all the baroque gear we were squeezing into...' 597 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:30,840 Ma, no... 598 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:32,120 No. No? 599 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,640 No perfecto. (LAUGHS) No perfecto, oh. 600 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,760 '..that wasn't going to be easy.' 601 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,280 No. 602 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:41,520 I'm ready, mate. You ready? Yeah, let's have a little look. 603 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,360 604 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,800 Mmm... God. 605 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,200 You're dressed like an old racist white guy 606 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,760 that you... see pictures of. 607 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,400 Do you think so? Yeah. 608 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,280 You look like an earl. I don't feel great. 609 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,480 No.I was quite positive before this happened. 610 00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:57,520 Were you? Yeah. 611 00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:58,760 Based on what, the rehearsal? 612 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,360 Yeah, I like that. That was a shit show. 613 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:01,600 Yeah, that's why I enjoyed it. 614 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,640 I'm pretty sure my trousers are gonna fall down. 615 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,480 Perfect. Give them a little tug. 616 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,440 I just want to show you how little resistance there is. 617 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,960 (SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY) (LAUGHS) 618 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,160 What the fuck is wrong with you? 619 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,720 You pulled my boxers down, you absolute... 620 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,840 (LAUGHING) I didn't know they were... Yes, you did. 621 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,000 You knew exactly what you were doing. 622 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,560 I didn't know it was box... (LAUGHS) 623 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:28,440 I cannot believe you just did that. I didn't... (LAUGHS) 624 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,000 You did know. You said! 625 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,840 I said pull the trousers! I felt you pinching. 626 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,920 You were pinching so that would happen. 627 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,360 I said take the wrapper off, not the foil underneath as well! 628 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:37,760 No, but I didn't know that, I- I... 629 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,440 You did know exactly what you were doing. 630 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,080 I didn't. How could I tell your boxers?! 631 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:42,880 Well, I have to be able to show your dick now. 632 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,480 That's fair, that is fair. (LAUGHS) 633 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:45,880 OK. OK? 634 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,040 What? You g- You gonna show everyone my dick?Yes! 635 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,760 Oh! I feel... I think that's only fair, Rob. 636 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,200 I think it's really odd. (LAUGHS) OK. I think... 637 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,640 OK, ready? (WHIMPERS) OK. 638 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,360 You gotta let go. OK. 639 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,800 (BOTH LAUGH) 640 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,640 I thought that would come off in one! 641 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,640 It felt weird to go a second time. 642 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,120 I'm so sorry. Fuck. 643 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,720 Right, you ready? Let's go sing. Singing time. 644 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,880 (WHISPERS) Fuck. (INDISTINCT) 645 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:19,120 That was really weird, Rom. (CHUCKLES) 646 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,240 'It was showtime in Venice. 647 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,040 The audience were ready to see a night of spectacular opera classics 648 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,880 performed by the stars of Musici Veneziani 649 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,800 and two clowns who didn't know the words.' 650 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,160 (MAN SINGS) 651 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,920 'The performance had started, 652 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,720 but as we weren't on 'til later, we'd come backstage, 653 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,000 Unfortunately, Maurizio had some bad news.' 654 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,640 There's another phrase that we didn't study. 655 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,200 Wait. 656 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,200 So, there's a... 657 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,440 so what he's basically just said is there's another line. 658 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,960 Is he... OK. 659 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,640 Why have we only just been told and what did we do in the rehearsal? 660 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,080 (WHISPERS) How can there be another line? 661 00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:05,760 He's looking up on his phone, he's Googling what the other line is. 662 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,080 Kill me. (LAUGHS) 663 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,000 Oh, have you got another line? Great. 664 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,040 This is how I like to learn my lines. 665 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,040 The words should be, "Godiamo, godiamo." 666 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,760 Godiamo? Godiamo. 667 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,480 Godiamo. So, we've had libiamo... 668 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,440 The second phrase is godiamo. 669 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,400 So, libiamo is toast. Yeah. 670 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,360 Godiamo is... 671 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,200 Really?! Fucking hell. 672 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,400 Are you serious? Generally speaking. (CHUCKLES) 673 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,680 What, godiamo? That's what godiamo is?Yes! 674 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,680 I feel like I'm in a Blackadder. 675 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,720 (QUIETLY) This is insane. 676 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,080 (EXHALES) (CHUCKLES) 677 00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:38,760 We hosted the BAFTAs a week ago. (QUIETLY) What the fuck. 678 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:40,600 'We were on next. 679 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,520 But after Maurizio's bombshell, 680 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:46,480 all we could do was step out into the auditorium and pray.' 681 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,520 682 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,120 683 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,200 684 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,600 'I didn't have a clue what was going on.' 685 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,440 (ALL SING DIFFERENT PARTS) 686 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,280 'We were in an operatic nightmare... 687 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,320 And seeing Earl Beckett across from me 688 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,280 was nearly pushing me over the edge.' 689 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,200 (WOMAN SINGS) 690 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,160 'Trouble was, the intro seemed to go on 691 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,640 for a lot longer than in any of the rehearsals.' 692 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,680 (CONTINUES SINGING) 693 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,040 What? No. 694 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,120 'And when it was finally our turn to sing... 695 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,200 MAURIZIO: (ROB JOINS IN) 696 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,280 'It took us by complete surprise.' 697 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:43,360 (OUT OF TIME) 698 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,000 699 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,040 (MUMBLES TO TUNE) 700 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,360 701 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,200 702 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,200 703 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:04,240 704 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:07,960 705 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,720 (ALL SING LONG NOTE) 706 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,920 (ROMESH JOINS IN OUT OF TIME) 707 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,160 (ROB AND ROMESH MUMBLE OVER LYRICS) 708 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:21,160 'From what I was hearing, we sounded abysmal.' 709 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,720 (MUMBLES TO TUNE) 710 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,560 'Our only hope was that our singing 711 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,200 would be drowned out by the rest of the cast.' 712 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,880 (ROB and ROMESH SING OUT OF TIME) 713 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:40,920 (INDISTINCT) 714 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,960 (ALL HOLD FINAL NOTE) 715 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,840 (APPLAUSE)'Somehow, we'd managed to scrape through 716 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,360 without being booed off stage, 717 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:53,000 and we just felt a huge relief that it was all over. 718 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:55,880 MAURIZIO: Bow. Yeah? Oh. 719 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,200 Oh! (LAUGHS) 720 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:00,480 I will never forget what happened in that room. 721 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:01,720 (CLEARS THROAT) Me neither. 722 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,040 I had an out-of-body experience in there. Feels like... 723 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,160 I feel like I'm in Quantum Leap. Yeah, in what way? 724 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,520 I just feel like I'm actually back to wherever this is. 725 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,120 You went back in time, but you still had Specsavers glasses on? 726 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,600 Er, these aren't actually Specsavers. 727 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,440 Slam of a comeback, mate, I've gotta be honest with you. 728 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,120 Absolute mic drop moment that. 729 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,240 What's it like dealing with Rob Beckett's slams? 730 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,400 Razor sharp. (CHUCKLES) Yeah, erm... 731 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,120 (MOCK VOICE) Joke's on you, these aren't actually Specsavers. 732 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:29,200 I'm a shadow of my former self. We need to go. 733 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,080 We've gotta get changed. What? 734 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,560 I'm leaving with this.(LAUGHS) See you later, guys. 735 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,120 Do you reckon you could get on a plane in this?Thanks, guys! 736 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,960 Thank you so much, thank you. Yeah. Welcome.Thank you, guys. 737 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,440 Thank you, guys.Bye! Thank you. We're gonna... Yeah. 738 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,040 We're gonna keep the costumes. Thanks guys.Let's get changed. 739 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,200 We're gonna go. Thank you. Godiamo.(CHUCKLES) 740 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,880 (LIVELY MUSIC) 741 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,440 'With just two days to go before our performance, 742 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,800 we were back in London to meet Matthew. 743 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,800 Armed with Maurizio's feedback, he was ready to let us know 744 00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,640 what the orchestra would be performing this weekend. 745 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,360 And more importantly, our roles in it.' 746 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,080 So, I've had a think about what you're gonna do...Yeah. 747 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:06,960 ..for our concert on Saturday. 748 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,520 And I've decided we're gonna do a performance of Nessun Dorma. 749 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:10,840 Do you guys know that? 750 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,480 Yeah, course, mate, Italia 90. Yeah. 751 00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,640 Pavarotti, that one? Yeah, that one.All over it. 752 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,920 753 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:23,480 'Yes, the LPO would be performing Puccini's beloved classic, 754 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:27,320 Nessun Dorma, one of the best known opera songs of all time. 755 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:31,200 The question is though, what would Rob and I be doing on the night?' 756 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,520 Rob, you're gonna be playing the timpani with Simon. 757 00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:37,800 Right, big drums? Yeah.OK. 758 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,960 And Rom you're gonna be singing at the front, 759 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,360 the lead tenor role. 760 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,600 (LAUGHS QUIETLY) 761 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,720 I think... you've got an aptitude for singing, 762 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,400 I'm sure you'll do an amazing job. Matthew, I... 763 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,760 Yeah? Genuinely, I think you're making- 764 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,360 you're making a huge error. 765 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,960 (LAUGHS) You look like you're in shock. 766 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,280 I wanna be sick. (LAUGHS) 767 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,560 Well, I'm just gonna go and warm up the orchestra.Yeah. 768 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,720 And then I'll see you down there. Cool.OK, cool. 769 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,640 See you in a bit. Good luck.Cheers. 770 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,160 Is he winding us up?He's gotta be. Or does he think you're good? 771 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,520 I mean, neither of us can do what we've been assigned. 772 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,000 No! At least mine's nearly manageable. 773 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,000 Mmm... for someone else. 774 00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:23,360 775 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,080 'And to ram home just how much trouble we were in, 776 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,240 downstairs, Matthew and the LPO 777 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:32,160 decided to show us exactly what we were letting ourselves in for.' 778 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,440 779 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:38,120 I am deeply, deeply concerned. I can't do it. 780 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,640 It's not even- You're not even singing in English. 781 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:45,400 And closed inside me... 782 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,840 I'll be honest with you, I could see percussion coming a mile off. 783 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,280 Yeah, it's easier, innit? (LAUGHS) 784 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,040 I think Matthew's stitched up Romesh 785 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:55,680 cos Romesh is quite good at conducting. 786 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,880 Matthew was like, "Right, I can't be having this, 787 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,120 stick him on Nessun Dorma." 788 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:04,760 (MUSIC CRESCENDOS) 789 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:06,800 Obviously, the redemption for me 790 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:08,920 going from crying and pissing myself 791 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,120 after the recorder incident at school... 792 00:34:11,159 --> 00:34:13,080 I do think, though, it is a possibility 793 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,760 when Romesh goes out there, 794 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,000 he's so bad that I piss myself laughing. 795 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,800 And I don't mind that, 796 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,280 I think that's enough redemption for me. 797 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,199 (SONG CONCLUDES) 798 00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,239 (LAUGHS QUIETLY) 799 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,600 ROMESH: 'In just over 24 hours' time, 800 00:34:37,639 --> 00:34:41,520 Rob and I will be attempting our most nerve-wracking challenge yet... 801 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:43,920 802 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,520 ..when we take to the stage at the Royal Festival Hall 803 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,480 to perform Nuovi Dorma 804 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,920 with the London Philharmonic Orchestra. 805 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:55,040 But whilst Rob will be hiding at the back playing the drums... 806 00:34:56,199 --> 00:34:59,160 I'll be up front and centre going full Pavarotti 807 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,960 when I sing the 1990's World Cup classic 808 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,640 to a sold out audience. 809 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,440 Which meant I'd be singing... 810 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,840 in Italian. 811 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,320 So, with the clock ticking down, 812 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,680 I was packed off to see LPO principal tenor, Toby Spence.' 813 00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:18,880 (CLEARS THROAT) 814 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,880 (TOBY JOINS IN) 815 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:28,240 TOGETHER: 816 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:31,880 'And whilst I got on with learning the seemingly impossible...' 817 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:33,520 (DING) Now. 818 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:36,600 Ah... Shit. 'Rob had to master the triangle.' 819 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,280 Not yet. I'm ready though. 820 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:44,280 The drum, triangle, cymbal, gong four way... 821 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,320 is the easiest option. 822 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:47,800 Crescendo, crescendo. 823 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:49,760 What does that mean? It means... (CHUCKLES) 824 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,200 Get louder. Oh, right. 825 00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:54,040 Basically, the difficulty here is knowing what to do and when to do it, 826 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,400 'cause I don't know what to do and I don't know when to do it. 827 00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:58,680 So that's where I'm gonna fall down. (CHUCKLES) 828 00:35:58,720 --> 00:36:00,760 'Luckily for me, 829 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:04,720 I had LPO principal timpanist Simon Carrington at my side... 830 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,440 who was going to tell me exactly what to do 831 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,840 and when to do it on the night.' 832 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,000 I'd say Romesh has picked the short straw. 833 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,200 He's currently in another room, learning Italian and opera. 834 00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:18,600 And I'm stood in front of a triangle, 835 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,720 being pointed at by a man called Simon. 836 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,440 It doesn't really feel we're doing the same episode, does it? 837 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:28,040 838 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,680 BOTH: 839 00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:33,640 I feel for Rob. You know, I'm gonna be singing, 840 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,400 he's gotta get the triangle right! 841 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,240 Must be nerve-wracking for him. 842 00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:40,520 Poor guy, he's got to play a couple of drums. 843 00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:44,680 If he even BREATHES a word of feeling nervous to me, 844 00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:47,120 I will punch him in his throat. 845 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,000 Genuinely. 846 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,400 Yeah, play, play. 847 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,920 I wasn't feeling nervous, though. Far from it. 848 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,160 In fact, with Simon as my wingman, 849 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,520 I could see redemption just around the corner. 850 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,800 Do you know what? I'm gonna be on stage at Royal Festival Hall 851 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,800 performing in an orchestra, the LPO. 852 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,320 And that is a long way from messing my pants in a corridor. 853 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:11,800 Let's see how it goes first, 854 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:15,000 I could piss myself there, but... (LAUGHS) 855 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:18,080 (SONG ENDS, ROB STOPS DRUMMING) 856 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,840 That's it. (CHUCKLES) 857 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:21,680 I feel ready, how do you feel? 858 00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:22,960 Ready for war. 859 00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:24,680 (LAUGHS) 860 00:37:24,720 --> 00:37:26,120 I don't know. 861 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:30,000 862 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,800 '24 hours later, we were as ready as we'd ever be 863 00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:39,640 as we arrived at the Royal Festival Hall. 864 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,440 And to our horror, 865 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,560 we discovered that tonight's performance 866 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,440 was going to be watched 867 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,440 by over two and a half thousand people. 868 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,320 This was going to be a disaster. 869 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:55,120 But if we were gonna crash and burn on stage, 870 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:57,080 at least we'd be doing it in style. 871 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,400 (SONG ENDS) 872 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,200 Look like two little posh boys, don't we, from a boarding school? 873 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,200 (POSH VOICE) I feel very powerful, yah.Yah. 874 00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:07,240 Oh god, it's hard being posh, innit? Anyway, how are you- It really is. 875 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,640 Erm, how am I feeling? Actually a bit nervous.Are you? 876 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:12,160 Considering where I've come from and how upset I got at school, 877 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,640 I think this is a redemption story and I'm very nervous 878 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,360 and thanks for helping me on this journey. 879 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,800 Helping you? I'm s... Yeah. Well, yeah, obviou- 'cause... 880 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:20,840 What do you think I'm doing here? Well, you're... 881 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,280 (WHISPERS) You're gonna be so bad no one will care about me. 882 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:25,160 You sound like Boris talking to Rishi. 883 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:26,680 (LAUGHS QUIETLY) 884 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:30,440 (IMPERSONATES) "I'm so bad at this. But you will come next."(CHUCKLES) 885 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,880 "Vote for me now. Yeah, good boy." 886 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,600 "You- You get yourself in there. 887 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,800 Once you've absolutely messed it up, 888 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,200 I'll come back in on a white horse." "Yeah. Little bit of whistle puff." 889 00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:41,840 "Yah." "Papers will be all over me." 890 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,080 "And they'll be like, 'Rishi who?'" (FORCED LAUGH) 891 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,000 (FORCED LAUGHTER) 892 00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:47,960 (LAUGHS) Anyway, good luck, mate. 893 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,680 How do you feel about singing though? 894 00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:52,440 Like, are you feeling confident? Have you done enough rehearsal? 895 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,440 No, I haven't done enough rehearsal. No. 896 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,280 What this performance actually requires 897 00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,760 is ten years of intensive training. Yes. 898 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:01,520 I've just accepted now this is as good as I'm gonna get, I just have. 899 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,840 But I am... I'm shitting it. Yeah. 900 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,240 But then once that music starts, I'll be kicking you off, 901 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,360 little bit of timpani... (ROLLS TONGUE) 902 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,400 And then you start singing. OK, but what... 903 00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:12,880 It feels like you're making this about you a little bit. 904 00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,800 Well, it's about me as well, I'm doing the drums, I am performing. 905 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,600 Look, the way I look at it is, even if I completely fuck this up, 906 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:19,800 no one's gonna notice. Yeah. 907 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,200 There's plenty of other instruments knocking about.Yeah. 908 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:24,000 Well, what a redemption arc. 909 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,680 (LAUGHS) What a journey. 910 00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:28,480 Yeah, what a journey for you. Yeah, but... 911 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,040 If I do mess it up and don't care- 912 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,280 Years ago, I wouldn't have been able to sit during a song 913 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,120 and do fuck all, but now I can! (CHUCKLES) 914 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:36,480 Shall we go? Yeah, let's do it. 915 00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:38,680 Let's head to the stage, Rom. Good luck.Thanks mate. 916 00:39:38,720 --> 00:39:40,960 I'd say good luck to you but you're not doing anything. 917 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,600 I am, four instruments. (MIMICS) "Well, redemption arc." 918 00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,320 919 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:55,200 'We were now only moments away from stepping out on stage 920 00:39:55,240 --> 00:39:58,560 and as the London Philharmonic Orchestra got ready to roll...' 921 00:39:58,600 --> 00:39:59,800 Oh God. 922 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,160 '..poor old Rom was the most nervous 923 00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,080 I'd ever seen him before a challenge.' 924 00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:06,640 Rom, don't fuck it up, yeah? Cheers, man. 925 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,360 Let's go, you ready?Good luck doing the three things you're doing. 926 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,120 Not a problem. Have a good one though, mate. 927 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,080 Thanks, mate. Love you, mate. You'll smash it. 928 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:15,200 Don't we believe in Rom? Romesh is gonna smash it? 929 00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:16,800 ALL: Yeah. 930 00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,720 Didn't really say that of your own accord but cool, thanks guys. 931 00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:21,320 (APPLAUSE) 932 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:24,560 'So now, all that was left was for me to take to the stage 933 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,800 for my first and final performance 934 00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:29,960 of my classical career.' 935 00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,000 (APPLAUSE CONTINUES) 936 00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:44,320 (APPLAUSE FADES) 937 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,480 (ORCHESTRA BEGIN PLAYING) 938 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:55,600 939 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,800 940 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:08,920 941 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:13,240 942 00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:17,400 943 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:21,000 944 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:26,200 945 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:34,920 (TRIANGLE DINGS) 946 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:41,480 947 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:43,640 948 00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:49,120 949 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,200 950 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:58,000 951 00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:02,920 952 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,760 (GONG ECHOES) (AUDIENCE LAUGH) 953 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,560 (MOUTHS) 954 00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:14,760 (LAUGHTER) 955 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:18,000 (ORCHESTRA CONTINUE) 956 00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:25,440 957 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:29,680 958 00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:33,360 959 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:39,360 960 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,960 (MOUTHS) 961 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,200 962 00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:52,040 (HOLDS NOTE) 963 00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:56,720 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 964 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,360 (MUSIC CRESCENDOS) 965 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,120 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 966 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,320 (SONG ENDS) 967 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,120 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 968 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,480 Whoo! 969 00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,120 Please, don't everybody stand up. 970 00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,440 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES) 971 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:26,240 972 00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,640 Thank you very much. Well done, mate. 973 00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:36,840 Romesh. 974 00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:40,680 And the orchestra. 975 00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,200 Thank you very much. (APPLAUSE FADES OUT) 976 00:43:44,240 --> 00:43:47,520 ("CLAIR DE LUNE" CONTINUES) 977 00:43:50,720 --> 00:43:53,480 Well done. Well done to you. 978 00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,600 Feels good, right? Feels really good. 979 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,520 Apologies for the gong, that was an accident, 980 00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,200 I didn't mean to do it that loud. I don't think it was an accident, 981 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:01,520 I think it was... No, honestly. 982 00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:03,600 ..little bit of attention seeking. No, it wasn't. 983 00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,960 But I forgive you 'cause I'm buzzing my tits off.Yeah, OK. 984 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,560 But that wasn't the place it was coming from. It was just-Right. 985 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,400 'Cause the other ones I was doing both hands, 986 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:13,520 this was just my right wrist and there's like, double the power.Mmm. 987 00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,320 In many ways, you've been preparing for that all your life.Ah, yeah. 988 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,440 I've been gonging one off for years in preparation. 989 00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,000 Certainly since you were 12. Yeah. 990 00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:21,880 If I'm going hard on the Chinese gong on my own. 991 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:23,680 Old viper forearms. For years. 992 00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:27,400 How do you feel about classical music now, Mr Standing Ovation? 993 00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:29,120 (INHALES) I dunno. 994 00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,200 You know, I've had a hell of a career in it. 995 00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:33,000 (CHUCKLES)Erm... Yeah, sure. 996 00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:34,760 I do think classical music's impressive. 997 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,000 Seeing an orchestra- That's lit a little fire, innit? 998 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,560 No, no, no, no! Seeing an orchestra, though, it's amazing. 999 00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:41,280 Like, I do think that is 1000 00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:43,640 something you don't see in any other types of music.Yeah. 1001 00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:47,440 I had a prejudice against it that I no longer have so, you know. 1002 00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:49,360 Erm, what do you think of classical music? 1003 00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,240 I like a bit of strings vibrato, 1004 00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:54,000 I like that. I'd have that on when I'm tidying the house, 1005 00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:55,720 stuff like that. Yeah. 1006 00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,720 I had some bad memories of music, I feel like I've overcome them, 1007 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:01,520 I've got my redemption. In what way? 1008 00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:03,440 I didn't mess myself. Yeah. 1009 00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,080 And if I end up pissing myself after we go out on the razz... 1010 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,920 Yeah. ..that's separate. 1011 00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,040 Yeah, maybe get changed. Yeah. 1012 00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,480 All jokes aside, that was seriously impressive. 1013 00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:14,800 To sing Nessun Dorma at the Royal Festival Hall 1014 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,120 with a full orchestra was amazing so I am properly proud. 1015 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:19,560 Well done, mate. That must've been really hard.Thanks man. 1016 00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,840 Honestly. And do you know what? I genuinely... 1017 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:24,320 I am properly proud of you as well. Really? 1018 00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:25,800 No, obviously not. 1019 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:27,520 You played triangle and a couple of drums. 1020 00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,440 Yeah, it was... quite easy, really, wasn't it? 1021 00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,720 Basically a passenger. 1022 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,360 ("MOONLIGHT" CONCLUDES) 1023 00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,160 Mr Blue Sky 1024 00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:51,440 1025 00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:52,840 1026 00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,560 1027 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,480 1028 00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,640 1029 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:01,560 1030 00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,080 1031 00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:05,720 1032 00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,760 AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk 1033 00:46:08,810 --> 00:46:13,360 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0